the trail of lights which led me to write a book
ideas rarely hit us like a single bolt of lightening, there is almost always a trail of lights leading us there
In the last few weeks due to admin errors, busy schedules, tighter business budgets the ‘For the Love of the Photograph’ website is currently unavailable. I am still working hard to try and resolve it but at this moment my gut says that maybe its a sign that having too many online spaces to keep living and breathing is a detriment to a creative’s flow and productivity.
The last three years since writing For the Love of the Photograph have been beautiful (and challenging). In this post I am going to flip my feelings of mourning for this online space (which I know sounds a little dramatic but so much work went into that shop window and community hub that it definitely feels like mourning). Where was I - I am going to flip those feelings and share a wee list as to how I found myself googling book printers in Auckland and driving down State Highway 1 to start the journey of what has become a treasured possession and heartfelt guide to a number of photographers and friends around the world. I share with you the trail of lights which led to my book, For the Love of the Photograph….
The light which was threatened but determined - we had recently moved to New Zealand, to a gorgeous house on a hill where I felt happy but detached by thousands and thousands of miles. Those I had met, had nurtured, had enjoyed creative conversations with were now a long way away, writing a book allowed my words and thoughts to be somewhere I couldn’t.
The light which had been glowing a while - since our life had shifted to a place more familiar to me I longed to learn from my Mum who is no longer with us. I wished to understand, to do things the way she did and yet many of those things had gone with her. I looked to my children, then seven and one, feeling the need to share my knowledge and passion with them. It was a legacy, a gift to them for the future.
A series of little lights illuminating each day - I was shooting a 365 with Cindy Cavanagh. I was pushing my creativity every day, I wanted and needed a reminder of ways I could keep going. The idea of having a go-to book made my heart sore.
A new light - For the first time in a really long time I was in a good place with my work, my ideas and my faith in myself was returning. I decided THAT was the time to write, so when I became lost again I could return to the pages and remember. And so could those who held her in their hands too.
One from the darkness - I was invited to a do a five day takeover of the then very popular ‘dear Photographer’ instagram. I planned my posts, invested energy but with every share it felt empty and flat, what I shared, how it dropped down the feed into the ether, it felt like my heart and knowledge were yesterday’s news. I yearned for longevity not only for me but for those I’ve spent years interacting with, learning from and being inspired by.
A light from across the oceans - The 2018 version of ‘A Star is Born’ arrived on the big screen and although I certainly didn’t imagine myself a Star, these lines hit me hard:
“If you don’t dig deep into your fucking soul, you won’t have legs. … All you got is you and what you want to say to people, and they are listening right now and they’re not going to be listening forever, trust me. So you gotta grab it, and you don’t apologize, you don’t worry about why they’re listening or how long they’re going to be listening for—you just tell them what you want to say. ’Cause how you say it is the stuff of angels.” —Jackson Maine
A light from another writer - I love books, especially art, creativity and photography books and yet when you move some boxes rarely get unpacked. There were a couple of books which were ALWAYS in the first to open boxes of mine. They were immediately perched on my desk, they were/ are accessible in size and content. They are Austin Kleon’s ‘Steal like an Artist’ and ‘Show you work’. I knew I longed the same for my book - it needed to be small enough to carry with you and light enough in its content that it triggers thoughts, sows seeds and yet never pertains to hold all the answers.
A light from my boarding school days - I adore mail, sending and receiving it, so packaging up those bundles of knowledge and beauty to send them across the world make me so freaking happy.
The most ironic light in the trail - since graduating from my Masters I had established and reestablished my business five times across four continents and I was exhausted from the selling hustle, the online ‘buy into me and my services’, I needed a break. The idea of writing a book that could live in the lives of others, in my then confused mind, meant I could step away from social media or at least quieten it for a while. I literally have no idea what I was thinking - because when you create something gorgeous, something worthy of dollars and bedside table real estate the first thing you need to do is tell people about it. This was my job, of course, so I set to work.
The light which moved me to start - it was the realisation that I’m brave but also stubborn. I knew I didn’t have it in me to contact a publisher as the idea was yet to form properly and so I self-published. I wanted full control over everything and what a freaking joy it was. However, when you are one woman alone it does also create this glass ceiling which takes a certain kind of tool to break. Much like a computer game there are a whole heap of levels and hurdles you need to go through before you can even find that hammer let alone know how to use it. I felt alone but never truly was, not really, I had a team of hundreds alongside me cheering me, sharing my book, capturing self-portraits, taking part in the P52 we did the following year, and for them I will always be grateful. They, you, were the ones who made my book For the Love of the Photograph what it is today…. hence the mourning….
In short, my love of the tangible, a fear of digital demise, elevating the traditions we all value and the beauty and slowness of the printed image.
Now I stand holding fast to that trail of lights - where to find me for now, and actually has always been my space, pop on over to chloelodge.com. At the moment it’s still a beautiful and uncomplicated holding page, my blog of past is still linked and my latest workshop, awesome new puzzle for pre-order and of course the remaining few hundred copies of my book For the Love of the Photograph are in the store.
All the gorgeous blog posts from FTLOTP are still safe in the back office of the website and I am planning to rebirth these somewhere, possibly here, the work and words by so many artists over the past three years will not be not lost.
CW x
Beautiful xx Loved reading your story. And love your book. It's always within reach